Re: Lobola under scrutiny

Hi there u Cyber junkies!

With the dawn of the democratic South Africa, people were encouraged to mobilize themselves to advance whatever they thought was unfair, barbaric and oppressive practices. African cultural practices and beliefs were also not immune to public and personal scrutiny. Women forums lobbied for the eradication of cultural customs that they accused of being rigid and discriminating against the women folk.

Most cultural practices were ultimately done away with, but what surprises me most is the preservation of iLobola or Dowry as some quarters call it. Is it because it only benefits women and their families? What determines the value that the MAN has to part with in "appreciating" the nurturing of the supposed wife? iLobola or Dowry is said to be a token of appreciation for the raising and educating of the prospective wife. Whose responsibility is that to raise their female children? Why price the "Token of Appreciation"?

The "token of appreciation" is now treated as an auctioned of the 'priced' possession to the highest bidder. The growing competition between families on whose daughter was well priced is becoming a norm. What also astonish me is that the same women who were critical of cultural practices have assumed the responsibility of being in the negotiating proceedings. Pricing their daughter with no clear and sensible criterion. The daughter who also questions African customs embrace and accept to be married in this fashion, yet not prepare to assume the role as per that custom.

I sincerely believe that Culture is not static, but evolves with time. Unlike with our European counterparts (Caucasians) where males and females marry each other, ours men marry women, hence it is difficult in the African context for a woman to propose marriage to a man. With the current trend where a man is unemployed and is dependent on the woman for monetary support, who is suppose to marry who? Where is the Gender Equity that is so lauded in this scenario?

Not that I'm perpetuating the abusive tendencies by some people on their partners; how do we expect a MAN not to treat his 'priced possession' as an equal partner if the contribution and relationship was parasitic? This create the perception that they 'own' their 'auctioned tokens' because they paid for them. Doesn't this practice perpetuate abuse in a relationship? Is this not a formalized way of human auctioning, disguised as preserved cultural practice?

If we want to do away with our cultural customs because we accuse it of being rigid, barbaric and oppressive, let's do away with everything it represents. Not selected certain things because they benefit a certain societal group. Alternatively, let's embrace our culture and allow it to evolve and preserve it. Not use the practices that is aimed at fostering relationships to improve our financial muscle, pursue the tasks that we failed to accomplish ourselves, or make a living out of our children. It is your responsibility as a parent to nurture your child in whatever way possible, and not to expect somebody to pay you for raising your child.

Chaos will continue to reign supreme if we do not preserve the things that defines who we are, and not use those practices for our egotistic gains. Equality for equal partnership and equal contributions.